Overcoming Neediness through Rejection and Fasting

Neediness can be destructive. We typically associate neediness with relationships and street beggars. "He's just too needy" or worse off, "Spare change? Can you help me?"

Where do we acquire our neediness from? Why is it more dominant for some people and less for others? Well, research from this Wall Street Journal article suggests that it may be hereditary. In other words, having parents that "inconsistently nurture," as Bernstein puts it, can often times make you a more anxious and clingy person.

So, what can we do? How can we control this urge better? I have two recommendations:

(1) Still afraid of rejection? Good. Time to get rejected a whole lot more. It's common to find needy people exhibiting cases of approach anxiety. They're afraid that people will find them weird, thereby "rejecting them" in a sense. They'd rather not approach strangers, or even colleagues that they have not formally been introduced to. It's a defense mechanism that protects their vulnerability to neediness. Forget about that. Embrace your vulnerability. Approach just for the sake of good conversation. Approach people that you find attractive and people that exchange a friendly smile with you. Speak up and say "Hello!" Don't have any expectations. Just talk for the sake of good conversation.

But what if the conversation doesn't go anywhere? What if they don't care to talk, or worse, find me repulsive? Isn't that just a waste of time? Absolutely not. Conversation can relieve you of those incessant thoughts probing your mind all day. It's a great exercise in listening, mindfulness, and presence. And if the other party prefers not to talk with you, well then that's their problem. Just proceed to socialize with somebody else. Perhaps only 1 out of 10 people will converse enthusiastically. You'll have the best conversation of all with that one person, and rejection from the others will start to matter less the more you do this.

(2) Ever try intermittent fasting? As I write this, I'm 63 hours along on a 72 hour fast. It's just as exhausting as you think. Migraines and cold sweats are just the least of it. More grueling is the mind constantly telling me to quit this fast and just eat. I'm not going to get in a debate about whether or not a 3 day fast is healthy for human beings. Some doctors agree it is, while others do not. It's their business to continue hypothesizing and debating. Nevertheless, I can conclude that it's a great exercise in calming down your "needy personality." If you can make it past Day 2, what you will find is that your body begins to adapt. Better yet, that hunger urge will begin to subside. The human body can handle a lot. Asking it to fast for 3 days, while not the easiest thing in the world, can be accomplished (of course, please consult your doctor before trying this if you have health problems).

That's it, people. This is my formula for calming down your needy personality, and it seems to be working. Have any other suggestions on how to combat our needy personalities? Please comment below if you do.

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Obsession for your Art

A few of us in the world have obsessive personalities. When we find our passion, it's hard to stray away. All we want to do is work at it and talk about it. This type of behavior can be extremely alienating. You're friends and family will quickly lose interest in the subject, so you adopt new people in your life that are chasing the same mission.

This is a common trade off. Become an expert in the art, but fall out of touch with some of the closest people in your life.

Is obsession a prerequisite for masterhood? It's debatable. Many of today's brightest minds from Elon Musk to Mark Zuckerberg at one point or another obsessed over their work, trying to design and produce life changing products. Well, they succeeded and along the way alienated themselves for doing so. This is not absolute- just a common trend to point out.

So, what will you do? Obsess over your art and become the best or advance in the skill but slow down if it becomes too controlling? The choice is up to you.

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Don't Forget to Have a Social Life

Having an active social life is important. Perusing boulevards, malls, bars, or clubs for amusement is healthy, particularly when alcohol and drugs are left out of the equation.

Making friends and growing your social circle is one of the most difficult, yet gratifying activities. We are afraid to cold approach strangers. Worse off, society tends to denigrate such activities. However, if you are waiting for a more "comfortable" environment to meet people (whether it be the office, classroom, or friend's party), then you are missing out on at least 90 percent of opportunities to grow your network.

The benefits of a large social circle are multifaceted. Instantaneous access to new venues, opportunities, and experiences is just the start. The important thing to remember is you must always seek to give more than you receive.

"What if I don't have anything to offer?" Everyone has something to offer. For example, I do not have many assets, nor do I consider myself a very wealthy person. What I do have is a global network. I have traveled all over the world, and made friends with people from all corners of the map. When someone asks for an introduction, I'm happy to help. In fact, I insist. It's the single most valuable tool in my belt.

Find your value, grow that network, and make time for your social life.

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The Apathetic One

I pity the apathetic. This seemingly innocuous trait kills emotion. It drains self-confidence and determination. Squash apathy in the face before it takes hold of you.

How can we help the apathetic? I ask this question everyday. These are well intentioned people that I am fortunate to have in my life. We need to help them break out of their shell of complacency. With the right guidance and motivation, these friends of ours will realize new heights.

Here are my recommendations for the friends of the apathetic one:

• Don't yell or discourage. Teach by demonstrating your own social qualities, which the apathetic friend can replicate. 
• Praise the apathetic friend. Occasionally, they will surprise you by going above their previously set boundaries. Congratulate them when it happens.

There are more recommendations that can be added to this list. Please contribute by commenting below! Our friends need it. 

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Bourdain in Georgia: Don't Forget about Hospitality

Anthony Bourdain is one of the most iconic chefs, turned television personalities, today. Millions of viewers tune into his weekly CNN show, Parts Unknown. For those that missed it, his last episode featured his travels to the Republic of Georgia.

I was very excited for this episode. I volunteered in Georgia for 2 years with the Peace Corps.

In this episode, Bourdain asked one his guests, American journalist and expat Paul Rimple,what others should know about Georgia. Rimple replied that "food and the church" are "untouchable" and must be respected.

Rimple is right. The church and food are among Georgia's most sacred traditions. Still, I believe that he has left out another important custom, a piece of their legacy that foreigners will love the most: Hospitality.

Georgians are arguably the most hospitable people in the world. If you don't believe me, just take a look at my video from 4 years ago, especially starting at the 3:24 mark when my host family and I sit down to a supra, or dinner feast.

Meeting my Georgian host brothers for the first time

Georgia is synonymous with hospitality. Bourdain's episode may have its flaws (see comments on Facebook for specific flaws), but I believe it does accurately reflect Georgia's warm hospitality towards others. In fact, Georgians take this tradition a step further by referring to guests as "a gift from God." This one fact alone has me itching to go back.

I hope others find this hospitality charming, and will decide to visit soon. You will not regret it, despite the few extra pounds that are likely to accumulate.

If you nave not seen the episode yet, you can view it for free at: http://allmyvideos.net/zsxo1tvwpqsw

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DC and the War of Words

Washington, D.C. is the city of movers and shakers. The British poet, Arthur O'Shaughnessy, coined the phrase in his 1874 poem, Ode. It's supposed to refer to the great accomplishments of business leaders.

D.C. is the city of politicians, bureaucrats, thinkers, lawyers, and lobbyists. This I know. Sure, there are some business leaders, and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce (my home of employment for the past 9 months) is the largest business federation in the world. Still, I prefer the former.

A palpable tension exists among the primary D.C. actors. Occasionally, they derive power from "words" which is most transparent in seminars when actors engage in the Q&A battle. Audience members pose questions intending to discredit panel guests. Affiliates of the panel will rely on their stature to criticize questions that they perceive as ignorant or unrefined. Worse off, criticism often leads to laughter and additional humiliation.

This is a problem, folks. How are we supposed to engage in constructive dialogue with partner nations when we can't even accomplish it in a neutral, domestic setting? Let's make an agreement that all future questions are posed and received in a polite and respectable manner. I resent this war of "words" and hope my fellow millennials do too.

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Escape that Lazy Thought

Don't get trapped under lazy thought. Strengthen your time management skills, and stop mistaking that e-mail account and smart phone for real work.

Media surrounds our daily lives, and it's all accessible with the push of a button. Resist the urge. Responding to dozens of e-mails throughout your day will feel productive. It will even reduce the burden of the typical 9 - 5 day. Yet, at the end of the day, what have you really accomplished?

Read Tim Ferriss's "The 4 Hour Workweek." You will learn that "being busy" is in fact another "form of laziness." Tim recommends the following, which I wholeheartedly support:

• Before you go to bed, write down one or two "real work" items that you would like to accomplish during the next working day. Examples include writing a blog, developing a project proposal, reading 100 pages of that book that's been sitting on your desk for the past 3 months.

• Actually accomplish those tasks. 

So, please give these recommendations a shot, and share some comments on your results!

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